Kids at Your Wedding

To have kids at the wedding or not? A decision that is among some of the most important for you wedding (well, maybe not as important as say, the reception venue, but important none-the-less).

Does the style of your wedding compliment the little ones in attendance? If you are having a late-night, black- or white-tie wedding, you probably want to stick with grown-ups only! If your venue is a bit too sophisticated, or your reception will be well past their bedtimes, the general rule is you should not have children (other than those in the wedding party, at the discretion of their parents). You may want to think about an appropriate minimum age (perhaps 7 or 8) for the reception. Whatever will suit what you and your groom want and go with your plans for the day.

Etiquette rules state, only those guests explicitly named on an invitation are invited. This means that if Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Karen are invited (assuming Karen is 8), her younger brother Billy and her baby sister Lily are NOT invited. Is it appropriate to write "no children" on your invitations - no. Is it okay to gently inform RSVPing parents that their infant is not invited - yes (but don't ruin any relationships over it).

With that being said, what do you do when you have decided that you will have those adorable rug rats at the wedding? Do you have a large family? Does your sister have a troupe of 4 or 5 kids that feel like many, many, many more? Some weddings even have a large number of children, upwards to 50 or more! Kids experience weddings much differently than adults. What can you do when you want to make sure the little ones have just as special a time on your big day at the big ones?

Inviting Children of Guests

Small, special touches are really all that is needed. You don't need to rent a moonbounce and hire a petting zoo to entertain a gaggle of kids. Parents and children alike will be thrilled when you take the time to put extra special touches on the day aimed at those under 5 feet.

A cute idea that I found on The Knot:

Made by Taylor's Bakery, Indianapolis (Photo:Angela R. Talley Studio, Carmel) and used in Heidi & Michael's wedding. Just a quick treat made of sugar and frosting one each child's plate. A cute way to welcome children to a winter reception! This was an idea done on a whim, but there are other things that you can plan for well in advance.

If you have a very large group of children invited (or who will be with parents from out-of-town, but not invited to the reception), you may want to consider hiring a babysitter. Companies exist now that provide sitter services for events (corporate or social). The Wedding Sitters is a company with services currently offered in NYC, Philadelphia and Delaware that will come on-site and entertain children. Packages vary depending on how many children are there; however rates run from approximately $55-$95 per child. They design a special tea party that children can attend (this requires another room or hospitality suite at the reception site or hotel).

Another option is having a room located right next to the reception be the designated children's room. Perhaps children are there all night, or they can float back and forth between the two (eating dinner with their parents, and going to the kids room to play or take a nap later on). Hire certified sitters (or a company, as discussed above) to provide an adequate amount of sitters and fill the room with activities. Your venue or hotel may be able to help with both finding a company and providing activities. It can be very simple things: tables with activity books, crayons, coloring books, some toys, maybe a TV with a movie (extra points if the animated characters get married!), and healthy snacks. You can put up cheap, kid-friendly decorations, like crepe paper streamers or balloons to make the atmosphere more festive!

If adding another room is not possible, create a kid's section. Maybe you do spring for special entertainment (a magician or balloon artist), that will stay in one corner (and not be too loud), and will entertain kids after the meal. You can create activity tables. You might even go so far as to have kids' tables (if the children in attendance are old enough to sit alone), with special kid centerpieces and favors.

Sometimes it is very important for you (the couple) and the parents to incorporate the kids into all grown-up activities. You can have small special touches that still welcome the kids to the adult party. These wedding place mats (below) are from Oriental Trading and cost only $2.95 per dozen! Include a few crayons and you have kid-friendly chargers.

Many retailers now produce wedding coloring books, which are great to leave at the place of each child. Something to keep them occupied during the long toasts and meal.

Exclusively Weddings (http://www.exclusivelyweddings.com/) offers a coloring book for $5.95 (left) and Oriental Trading has a slightly smaller book for $3.95 for a dozen (right).

Other special touches that you can include:

- Ask your caterer to prepare special children's meal options for full-service dinners (something as simple as macaroni and cheese or chicken fingers), or if your dinner will be buffet, set up a table at a lower height with kid-friendly food (This may even save you money in your catering budget!)

- Have special favors for the kids. Sure, monogrammed coasters are a really great favor - if you are an adult. However, kids might get a kick out of some sort of wedding-related stuffed animal or toy. (Again, this will probably save you money in your budget!)

- Invite all of the kids up for a special dance with the Bride & Groom. Even if some of the younger ones are shy, this will make for spectacular pictures and a moment everyone is sure to remember!

Children in the Wedding Party

Take care when inviting children to be in the wedding party. If you are going to include a child younger than four, you may not get the most cooperative little soul. If this is okay with you - go ahead! If you want a pristine processional, with everyone walking in time - ask someone older, or forgo the flower girl or ring bearer altogether.

Children of any age can definitely work, you just have to plan ahead. (Trust me, I once did a wedding with 2 ring bearers, 2 flower girls, and 2 pages, most under the age of 5.) Make sure that they have a lot of time to wiggle earlier in the day. While everyone is getting ready have Mom or Dad there to supervise. Welcome them to your special day with some of the ideas below:

DW Doll & Book Set, all about being a flower girl, from Exclusively Weddings, $19.95. On top of being a great gift, this gives your flower girl an understanding of what she will be doing.

The Wedding Day Activity Kit from Exclusively Weddings, just $9.95 for various things to keep the little ones occupied.

The Flower Girl Gift Set from Oriental Trading, also only $9.95. It includes a sequin tiara, fairy bear, flashing star wand, mini activity set and more.

For $9.95 from Oriental Trading, you can get the Ringbearer Activity Tote Bag, complete with twenty novelty gifts to keep him occupied!

When the ceremony is about to begin, ask a bridesmaid or groomsman to look after them. Very small children are helped if they have Mom or Dad in the wedding party, and they can walk towards them down the aisle. Or pair up a slightly older child with a young one. You may not want to have flower girls and ring bearers stand at the altar, assign a relative in one of the front pews to gather them once they make it down the aisle. If you will be doing pictures, try to get those that involve the kids done first - then let them go and play!

Nothing is better than the adorable photo of the groom picking up his niece and dancing, or the ring bearer asking the flower girl to dance. Children are a great addition to your wedding. With special thought and little details, you can make their day just as special as any of your other guests! (Remember, once you are the ones with children - you'll want someone to be thinking of you at their wedding!)